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?:citation	<https://www.federalreserve.gov/aboutthefed/bios/board/bernanke.htm?> <https://www.theonion.com/?> <https://www.theonion.com/articles/danny-devito-a-lot-taller-thinner-in-person?> <https://www.theonion.com/articles/drunken-ben-bernanke-tells-everyone-at-neighborhoo?> <https://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-turns-50-despite-republican-opposition?> <https://www.theonion.com/articles/windows-opened-on-both-coasts-in-effort-to-create?>
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?:text	Drunk Chairman of the Federal Reserve lets loose in a bar about how bad the U.S. economy truly is. (en)
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