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Much as we dislike killing a perfectly good joke by overanalyzing it, the sheer number of people who have written to us about the following item to ask Is this true? compels us to say something about it: Although many manufacturers have tried to appeal to quality-conscious consumers by indicating their products are individually inspected or tested (remember those Inspected by No. 3 tags found in packages of underwear and the pockets of shirts and pants?), our survey of thermometers available at the local drug store turned up none advertised as personally tested, whether they were Johnson & Johnson or any other brand. They typically come in packaging identifying them as having been calibrated for accuracy, or similar phrasing. Regardless, the point that some people are apparently missing is that rectal thermometers aren't tested by using them the very same way end consumers would. The testing they're put through is a process that ensures they accurately measure a designated range of temperatures, achieved by calibrating them with known temperatures in carefully-controlled conditions. Personal individual testing of rectal thermometers is too labor-intensive and time-consuming a process for such an inexpensive product, nor would it satisfactorily ensure accuracy, because the body temperatures of the testers would be too variable -- and the manufacturer would have to employ a whole lot of very sick people to test their thermometers across the high and low extremes of human body temperature. Aside from that, more than a few health regulations prohibit the resale of items that have previously been inserted into someone's rectum.
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